Home and Going

My last Homecoming dance went well. Daniel looked so nice and Britney and I enjoyed our day together chilling out and watching movies on my couch.
Now it’s time to get serious about academics. I have to sit down and just DO everything I need to do. I also need to find a new job. I couldn’t handle the stress of Plato’s Closet anymore. This is my last week.
Anyway…Daniel and I are doing well. He is my busy bee and I am his little duck and we love each other. He got accepted to UCL over in Britain, which is both terrifying and exciting. Hopefully I’ll get into the world exchange program at GVSU and spend 2 years abroad in England as well. We agreed to attempt long distance amd see how it works. I’m slightly worried that I’m the only one who wants it to work sometimes, but that’s just who Daniel is.
In all honesty I would be glad to have him as my forever human. I love Daniel very much. Today is actually 8 months together.
Hopefully it’s going to be a good day.

Why We Squeal

Why are fangirls so obsessive? Why do we write fanfictions? Why do we have an ‘OTP’? Why do we buy fandom merchandise? Why do we have fandom marathons? Why do we dress up like our favorite characters? Why do we squeal so freakin’ often and so loudly?

Because we are in love. That love is a deep part of us and it makes us complete in who we are. We are dedicated to someone, something, even if it doesn’t really exist; whatever it is, it has shaped us in some way.

When I was little I read the Harry Potter series. I pre-ordered it months ahead of time and waited at Borders until midnight to pick it up on the night it was released. I remember holding it in the car on the way home, my eyes eagerly scanning the inside cover and the first few pages by the glow of my small flashlight. I remember reading through the Percy Jackson books in three weeks with my friends and all going to see the movie together (despite its disappointing lack of plot-consistency) in our personally made Camp Halfblood t-shirts. I watched 7 whole seasons of Doctor Who in about a month followed shortly by Psych, Supernatural, Sherlock, Monk, Bones, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. All of these things have given me new perspectives on life. New things to look at, new ways to handle situations.

I’ve become emotionally attached to the characters. What happens to them affects me on a personally emotional level. Through these various fandoms I have learned to empathize, sympathize, love, care, and hope for another human being even though they’re not real. They have furthered my relationship building skills and taught me random (surprisingly helpful) facts. They have furthered my language skills and vocabulary, along with my ability to process and store information.

But mostly they’ve taught me that you can care for another person so much that when they finally get together with the person they belong with, and they’re finally happy after all of their trials, and you know they’ll be okay in the future…you can let go. All the pent up suspense, anger, heart-ache, emotion, and hurt just disappear and this rush of happiness fills your heart and there’s nothing you can do. Nothing can let all the darkness out and replace it with joy like a good long squeal. Because finally everything is right, if only for a little while.

It’s the same with life. When everything settles down, if even for a short time, after a period of heartache, a little squealing is deserved.

My Boy

This is Sebastian. He’s one of the most kind, handsome, sweet, talented, intelligent, adoring, loving, loyal, brave, perfect people I have ever met in my life or probably ever will. I love him with all of my heart and he is the best friend I’ve ever had or will ever had. Sadly, though, we will never be together in the way we would do so well to be.
Sebastian and I have an undeniable connection that has lasted through many years of friendship. He was the first guy I was ever brave enough to kiss on the cheek. We spent countless hours together being silly and talking on skype over the summers. He stayed the night after our Freshman homecoming and ate brownies and ice cream and watched Howl’s Moving Castle with me until the early morning hours.
He was the only guy to come to my 14th birthday party, during which we rode in a car for an hour with two other girls to my grandparent’s house to swim and eat. In fact I’ve never met a guy with such a good appetite.
Sebastian writes beautifully. He’s witty, sharp, and knows when to verbally bitch-slap me when I’m being stupid or dramatic. Yet he’s there with a shoulder for me to cry on if I need him. He never lets me hurt by myself and cares about everyone he meets. Sebby knows how to deal out tough love in the right amounts. “Two parts love and one part abuse!”
I was the first person he came out to. “I figured if I couldn’t like you, I couldn’t like girls at all.”
Sebastian is one of the best friends I will ever have, and I love him more than anything. If I want to keep in touch with anyone after high school, it’s this boy. My best friend. My brother. The man I would marry if he liked women, no doubt. My boy.

What do you know?

What do you see?

I don’t think you get

That you’re killing me.

Our love is dying

There, on the floor.

Bleeding and broken

And begging for more.

You’re like a drug

And I can’t escape,

All that I wanted

There it awaits.

Now I’m just empty

Floating through time

To the beginning and

“Will you be mine?”

Now it’s just sadness,

Now I’m alone.

Searching for hope.

Searching for home.

The Story of Average Girl

I’m five-foot-five-and-a-half-inches, 126 pounds, with blue eyes and dirty blond hair. I generally get A’s and B’s in school and have a good social life, a job, and a healthy relationship with a cute boy who makes me feel special. I’m asthmatic and not particularly in-shape, but I can run a mile in about 9 minutes and I love biking long distances. My tummy isn’t totally flat and my hips are wide (“Good birthing hips!” in my Irish grandmother’s words). I don’t like to wear tight clothes but sometimes I make exceptions for REALLY cute skinny jeans. Everything about my life reads “not an ABC Family Drama”.
But I like who I am.
I wouldn’t change who I am or what I look like. In the scheme of the world, I am average. But not so average that I will accept just another grow-up-and-get-married-and-have-kids kind of life.
When I reach adulthood, I have a thousand different dreams and aspirations. I want to graduate college and become an English teacher, hopefully with a Master’s degree in 16th-century British literature and a minor in acting. I want to attend Gallaudet University’s Hearing Undergraduate program to become an interpreter for the deaf. I want to write a novel, preferably fiction, and an autobiography about my whacked-up childhood at the hands of divorced parents. I want to be a Blue Lake Fine Arts Camp counselor. I want to have twins! I want to adopt a deaf child!
I am average in the scheme of things.
But in my eyes, I am all of the things I dream of being.
Now I just have to prove to the world that I’m worth being seen as more than average.

A Christian girl supports gay rights? Whaaaa?

Gay rights/marriage: the controversial topic that’s been sweeping the nation and calling up both supporters and enemies. Want to know the opinion of a religious teenage girl? No? Okay, well it’s my blog. I DO WHAT I WANT.

I am a Christian girl. That means that I have a deep personal relationship with God. It’s no one else’s business but mine, so I don’t want your opinion on it. 

As a Christian I think that we should support gay rights. Yeah, you saw it here folks, a Christian girl who wholeheartedly supports gay rights. Is it considered a sin according to my beliefs? Yup. Do I think that because it is considered a sin to a group of people, two people in love who do not share those same beliefs should be denied a basic human right that will bring them happiness? Of course not! When DOMA got shot down I jumped for joy and celebrated along with my close friends Sebastian, Connor, and Steven (ALL GAY). 

My best friend is a lesbian, for pete’s sake! I’m in the theater program! I’m constantly surrounded by supportive, loving, caring, kind, beautiful, fabulously dressed GAY PEOPLE.

Love is something that cannot be determined by humans. Love is natural. Love is a gift from the very God people are trying to “share” by protesting gay rights. This is how I’m sharing the love of God. I’m doing my job by sharing it with EVERYONE. The LGBT community, the straight people, the assholes at school, the stoners, flunkies, straight-A students, the jocks, punks, poets, artists. The fat kids, the anorexic kids, the cutters, the haters, my enemies, my friends.

Love is for everyone. 

So I’ll say it again: I am a believer in God and I support gay rights.

Or better yet: I am a supporter of love.