I have a friend who I love dearly who doesn’t necessarily understand when he’s crossed a boundary. We were sitting at lunch the other day, chatting, when he suddenly said, “Jane, I think I know why you and Daniel haven’t done anything (sexual) yet.”
“Why is that?” I asked, ready for an amusing but respectful suggestion. This topic came up once and awhile and I put up with it because, as horny teens, my friends don’t always understand why I haven’t “gotten laid” after over a year with Daniel. I was completely ready for a joke. I was not prepared for…
“He wants it up the ass.”
Excuse me? Did I hear you right? Okay, okay, my Dad jokes about Daniel being gay sometimes. But my Dad has made gay jokes about EVERY BOY I’VE EVER MENTIONED, including the ones he knows I have no feelings for, especially the exceedingly straight ones. This friend, who is gay and who is very vocal about it (I have heard the stories of most of his sexual exploits) just made a really rude joke. A friend who I have always tried to be kind to, even at his most irritating.
But this friend, who I have supported through his entire coming out process, just insulted my boyfriend. Just insulted me.
Yeah, Daniel and I aren’t physically intimate, but that’s our decision. Is it frustrating to me sometimes? Duh. Do I sometimes whine about it when I’m particularly hormonal? Of course, I’m a teenager.
Daniel and I are emotionally intimate and that really makes up for the few-and-far-between make out sessions on one of our couches.
Now I’m not saying that my friend calling Daniel gay is super insulting, but I could deal with “He’s gay, honey.” I could tolerate that. I hear it from my Dad, like I said, so it’s easy for me to brush off. But blatantly and loudly declaring that he wants it up the ass is just rude. Rude and mean. You know I’m sort of self-conscious about this topic, you know it hurts sometimes when people suggest Daniel simply doesn’t want me physically, but for you to say that to me…ouch. That just sucks, dude.