Do you see this? Do you see him, hands in his pockets, coat and jeans, looking like any normal college student on their campus? Do you see how he belongs there? I’m not going to lie, I saw this picture and smiled…while simultaneously panicking.
There is a fact I’ve been facing for a long time: Daniel is probably not going to be mine forever.
We can say it as many times as we want, and we can promise to try long-distance, but Daniel is too free of a spirit. Sure, there are many things that we want to do together that we are completely compatible for, but once they are finished…where would we stand? Let’s say we make it through a year of college and travel a little piece of Europe and see some art and eat some food? Then what? What if our futures don’t line up?
This picture just punched me hard in the gut with the closeness of our potential impending goodbyes. It’s been nearly 10 months with him and I don’t know what I’m going to do without seeing him every day. There are nights when he is the thing I cling to the most. He is the most understanding human I have ever known and the only one I have loved this fiercely and this purely. Daniel is so amazing.
He has seen me at my literal wanting-to-die depressive worst and my this-is-fucking-awesome beautiful best. And he has made me feel important and special no matter what the circumstances. I try so hard to do for him the wonders that he does for me. Losing him will be so hard, but inevitable. If we manage to make it out of college alive, if we can even keep it together for that long, I will thank whatever deity exists with all my heart and soul.
So for now, as he travels home to me again, and he spends the night safe in his bed down the road, I will be happy that he is close. But also scared that soon, too soon, he might be very far away again.
groundlingsup 