Do You Want to Die Together?

I love this song. Not only because the guy is singing the pleading, loving part, but because the girl refutes him and in the end accepts him and stays with him. An initial picture of hopelessness that ends up turning out for the better.
Today’s society seems to enforce only two norms: Happily Every After or Happily Never After. You either achieve an easy happiness or you’re doomed forever.
Love takes work from both sides to figure out problems and continue on. This song is such a great example of love. Do you want to die together? Yes I do…but we have to fix this first.
I just really love this song, this band, and this idea.

The Way They Make Me Feel

The Mountain Goats are a really good hipster band, introduced to me by a good friend. Some of their music is cheery, but most of it is sad and angry. I’ve never heard any group create such a sense of longing, love, despair, sadness, regret, revulsion and passion with their voice like The Mountain Goats. 

They make me extremely emotional. Maybe it’s because the lead singer kind of sounds like Dan, or maybe it’s because I understand the lyrics more than I’d like to. Maybe it’s because I grew up as a dancer, and the sound of guitar, piano and violin in combination always make me really emotional. Listening to the Swan Lake Suite makes me want to get up and dance and feel and The Mountain Goats do the same thing. 

Their playlist on my laptop is mostly the sad, longing songs. I feel that way when I listen to them. As if I’m missing out on something that’s waiting for me. The whole world is waiting for me. 

It’s Britney, Bitch

So there’s this girl at my school who I absolutely adore. Her name is Britney and she is one of my best friends (even though I probably get on her nerves a lot). She’s really cute, sweet, and absolutely amazingly funny. I have never met someone who is constantly as bright and bubbly and full of happiness. 

I was fortunate enough to be her director for the last half of her first theatre class. It was then that I was introduced to Britney and got to sort-of know her on a student-teacher basis. I gave notes, she nodded and looked cute. Then came Thespians Festival in December. Mia and I looked at our room assignment and thought who is Britney? But it turns out that she is one of the coolest people ever!

We hung out during the Festival, got to know each other, bunked together, and took some comedy classes together. She was a total joy to be around. She walked into the room at three in the morning, opening the door and stepping in with, “It’s Britney, bitch.” and totally made my life. That moment will be one of my favorites until I die.

Anyway, we were in theatre two together as well and got to hang out and be silly. I did the upperclassman-relationship-advice thing and she was basically the most adorable person on earth (even though that relationship advice didn’t work). 

I have never met someone quite as bubbly. I might never meet someone like her again. I really enjoy getting to be her friend, to hang out with her, and talking with her. Whether it’s about a guy she likes, Supernatural, my awkward boyfriend, or some mutual adventure, Britney always brings a smile to my face. I hope we get to be really good friends and I hope that she always stays as beautiful, inside and out, as she is now.


Updates and Downturns

A lot has happened in the past couple of days. If anyone at all is interested in my non-rant, non-political, non-purist writing…here goes.

On Friday we had dress rehearsal for circus, and on that same day my great-grandmother (age 91) passed away. I know I should feel sad, but she was so old and in so much pain. She was a heavily religious woman and I feel like she’s just happier now, wherever she is. Nana was a kind, loving person. I’m glad I got to spend so many years with her and I will miss her, but I probably won’t cry. It’s good that she’s no longer in pain.

Saturday was the circus performance. A whole day of intense work outs, stretching, performances, and cleaning. I’m really going to miss my coaches and my new friends from other schools, who I will no longer see every day. It was an absolutely amazing experience and I hope they come back next year.

It was also Dan and I’s two month anniversary, which seemed pretty insignificant in the scheme of all that was happening but it’s still worth mentioning because I love him very much. Yay for love. 

So that’s my crazy, whacked-up life.



I want to hold you close to me
I’m going to whisper into your hair
“Darling, you’re wonderful.”
While you are resting there

Close your eyes against the light
Let me whisper into your ear
“My love, you’re wonderful.”
Just while you’re lying here

Take a breath and heave a sigh
And I’ll whisper against your smile
“Sweetheart, you’re wonderful.”
Please say you’ll stay awhile

Nuzzle up against my side
And I’ll mumble into your chest
“My everything, you’re wonderful.”
And you’re the very best

Pain is Temporary, Awesome is Forever

I have spent the past week taking part in a traveling circus that is visiting my school. This is the third consecutive year I have taken part in the circus, and this year I’ve pushed myself even harder than before. The first year I was in contortion and floor acrobatics. Last year I did triple trapeze. This year I am doing both contortion and areal hoops (lyra). The two most painful acts our school will be doing. I’ve spent over 20 hours working over the past week, and in another week I will be performing. 

It is intense, painful, and exhausting. I haven’t gotten enough sleep the entire week and I have multiple injuries and plenty of bruises from my training efforts. But it’s worth it. Every second of pain, every aching muscle…when the stage is lit and the performance is happening, the entire world falls into place. My heart is in the theatre, on the stage. No matter what I am doing, I love it! 

As the coaches say: Pain is temporary, awesome is forever! 

I can’t wait for the performance of Hotel du Cirque!