An Angry Letter to My School

I am not a child anymore. I am an adult. I can vote, I can buy cigarettes, I can get arrested, so why don’t you listen to me? You ask for my opinion, you ask me to report bullying, but you never follow through. You mark me as a problem child and say that my opinions are not valid because I am a child. But I am not, I am an adult.

I have been bullied and sexually harassed on school grounds. You did nothing. You took the boy’s side of the story and, since he was an upperclassman, said I was trying to get attention and be a more popular freshman. You think I wanted popularity? I wanted the guy who shoved his tongue down my throat and groped my breast without permission to get in trouble. Do you understand the trauma that came with that experience? I wasn’t trusting of guys for the next year or so, even in my relationship. I was terrified of being alone at school and I was hateful of the grown-ups who ignored me and my hurt.

I have to work a job that goes until 10 at night, meaning I usually don’t sleep until a little after 11. I have to get up at 6am and stay awake for roughly 17 plus hours. Between college applications, work, homework, extracurricular activities (which I apparently need to be a ‘well-rounded’ student), and school spirit things like games, I am TOTALLY SWAMPED. But you don’t respect me. What am I supposed to do?

I am only an adult when it is convenient for you, like when I fall asleep during class cause I was up till 1am doing homework. Or when I’m being bullied and try to report it, or when I’ve been sexually harassed, or when I might have something suspicious in my bag, or when I’m late because I was trying to finish that homework before class because I worked late and fell asleep at my desk before I could finish it.

Why am I not a valid human being to you? Not all teenagers are disrespectful little shits. I want to be a teacher, I understand the difficulty that is dealing with my peer group. I have to deal with them every day, and I still want to pursue a career in academia. What is your problem with considering me a real person with opinions and ideas that count?

Why don’t you listen? Why don’t you care about something other than a pep rally or a schedule mix-up? Why can’t you take care of the students that need your help? Why do you give special treatment to the quarterback who grabbed my ass and called me cutie against my will? Why don’t students with good grades and bad attitudes get punished for their misdeeds? Why does the sports team get special treatment, or the upper level choir students? Why am I a problem because I’m bringing these things up?

I’m not your problem, but you’re definitely mine.

Someday My Prince Will Come

I had the coolest freaking dream last night!

I was sitting at lunch with my friends, like normal, when suddenly I hear the beautifully orchestrated soundtrack of Disney’s Sleeping Beauty coming from the loudspeakers (This Song). Everyone quiets down and looks around, confused, including myself. When, all of a sudden, Daniel rides out from one of the wings of my school (A-Wing) ON A GIANT WHITE HORSE! Best part? He’s totally and completely in costume as Prince Philip!

He then asked to take me to Homecoming, and of course I said yes! Then his friend Bryce boosted me up on the horse next to him and we rode back to the Sparta Office where he dropped off the horse. Sadly, at this point I woke up.

But that was the coolest thing ever and I WISH someone asked me to a dance so creatively!

Week 2: Senior Sickness and the Cast List

Well the plague is sweeping through my school. My friend has it, my boyfriend has it, and I’m sure that I’ll get it (though hopefully through preventative medication I have avoided it). 

Life is pretty good, otherwise. I haven’t caught senioritis. I’ve managed to keep up with all of my homework as well as college applications and scholarship things. I’m nervous, but I’m really hoping to get into Grand Valley. That would be super nice. They have a beautiful campus, a good educational system, and a huge cultural center in Grand Rapids. Not to mention their theatre performances are audition-based, not class-based or major-based, so I could still be involved in my favorite thing. My life would be complete. 

Speaking of Theatre! The cast list for Sweeney Todd comes out today. I’m really nervous but also very excited. I really want to play Sarah Lovett, Mrs. Lovett’s daughter. I don’t have my hopes up too high, though, because I might get Special Girl or Abigail or some lesser character. Not that they aren’t important, I just don’t want to get stuck with a character part again. I’m not a good character actress.

Well, wish me luck. Or rather, don’t. Good luck is bad luck in theatre. Break a leg is what I need to hear!

A sad poem of sorts

I’m not a drumline groupie.

I’m not here to smile and pretend I’m okay when I’m feeling very left out and very alone.

I’m not going to perk up when I’m tired.

I’m exhausted from working on top of doing homework.

I’m hurting physically from my job.

I’m hurting mentally because of my family.

I’m in desperate need of some arms to hold me.

I’m just sad and you’re too busy to notice or care. 

Fixer upper

Tonight I had a shitty night at work.
I went home.
I showered.
I had an anxiety attack over the phone.
Daniel told me a story about his buddy adopting a cat to make me laugh.
I laughed.
I felt better.
I love Daniel and all the little things he does for me.

My First Day as a Member of the Graduating Class of 2015

I did it! I made it to Senior Year, and I made it through the first full day alive.

Turns out my schedule was a mess, so I spent my first day a little jumbled. I had to leave AP Psychology behind in order to pursue Advanced Theatre, but there was no way I was going to leave Sweeney Todd for an AP class I wasn’t particularly interested in. I’ll read the Psych book anyway and then return it to Daniel, who lent it to me in the first place.

Now I’m taking AP Literature and Composition, Online Personal Financing, AP European History, American Sign-Language Part Two, and Advanced Theatre. I’m very excited for my senior year. I’m excited to go to the football games. I’m excited to hang out on cold winter weekends with Daniel and watch television and drink tea. I’m excited to do the Haunted Hayride at Blackstar Farms for my fourth and final year and to go the the Thespian Festival in December. I’m giddy to do all the things I love. One last hoorah for the years.

I’m excited to get college acceptance and rejection letters, outlining my future. I’m excited to plan things and see where I’ll end up and what I’ll end up doing. I’m excited to spend time with my friends and my love. I’m excited.

It’s my senior year and I am definitely going to enjoy it to the fullest!