“Falling in love with love is falling for make believe!” – Cinderella (Rogers and Hammerstein)
I know how that goes. I know all too well how easy it is to think you’re in love with someone because the idea of being in love is so grand. The elation upon seeing them, the comfort they give you, the way they make you warm inside when you think about them…but you’re only pretending because you want to feel that way. You don’t want to be alone, and so you fall in love with love but not with the person. I did that, once upon a time. I fell in love with the idea of love.
Daniel isn’t like that…and I’m honestly terrified. I am deeply, madly in love with this passionate, fiery, brave, wonderful boy. How am I going to say goodbye when the time comes? How am I supposed to let someone like him disappear into the void of adulthood and post-high-school goodbyes? Is it too soon to declare that I would like to love him forever? What would life without him be? “I know that a life without love is no life at all.” – Leonardo Di Vinci (Ever After)
I am a teenage girl in real love for the first time and it is the most horrifying experience of my life. Daniel is everything I have ever hoped for and more, much more. I only wish I hadn’t found him so soon. For all the days I get to hold him in my arms and tell him how beautiful he is and kiss him, there are days to come where I will not see him at all. There may be days when he doesn’t even cross my mind and that is the worst feeling ever.
I don’t want to hold him back. I want him to feel free to leave when the fancy takes him. Go, leave, be your own person, I am so proud of you… but why did you say “forever”? It was he who first used ‘forever’ in conversation and said maybe our “Okay” (The Fault in Our Stars) would be “Forever”. But I very rarely say forever because Daniel, beautiful Daniel, doesn’t like to think of the future or our future.
This boy, who asks me what’s wrong when I sound off. Who argues with me about politics, debates with me about religion, and lets me win when he sees me getting frustrated. Who apologizes needlessly when I’m down. Who kisses me, hugs me, holds me, lends me his jacket, sings to me, loves me…
What am I going to do when he’s gone?
“He is my match in every way, please tell me I haven’t lost him.” (Ever After)